MARCH 2021 NewsletterDates to Remember March 5th – Tuition Due March 29th – April 2nd – Spring Break – No School April 4th – School Resumes Parent Information |
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Parent Support |
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Positive/Negative Self-Talk and Your Child Last month the article was about giving the gift of positive self-talk to your child and how it begins with you (the parent) first. Let’s revisit that for a moment then move on to the tools for your children. The first and most important strategy is to role model our reactions to our own adult misfires or accidents. I want to define “misfire, failures or accident” regarding this article. I mean normal life happenings that do not go as we may have planned in our daily life. For example, dropping a full dinner plate and saying “sh.., I have ruined dinner.” To a child this message displays accidents are not okay, and everything is ruined. Do not fret. This is just a reactive habit and thought. Reactive thoughts and habits can be changed through practice and awareness. Practice saying, “Oops, I will just clean this up and get another plate.” Or you could even say, “I need some help.” Showing your child, it is okay to ask for help. This may seem like a minor example. We are human and every word will not be perfect. I challenge you to think of a bigger anxious reactive moment. Is this how you want your child to react to failures or accidents? Or can you practice a different response? What are the words I need to say or display for my child in order for them to understand what to do in life and reference later? Remember words and experiences shape children’s inner thoughts and actions. Here are some concrete preventative strategies to support your child’s positive self-talk: 1. Gratitude is powerful. Practice saying real statements to and around your child. “I appreciate you trying again, or I like when Dad/Mom made a mistake and is trying again, I love that man!” This is sending a few messages: that we all make mistakes, can try again and are always loved. 2. Pay attention to the messages on the television and online your child is using or surrounded by at this vulnerable age. Parents you have control and guidance over this and what your child hears and internalizes at this young age. 3. A dose of power and attention. Let me be clear-this is not a pass for negative behavior! Your child needs boundaries and consequences which falls under parenting. A key piece of the definition of loving your child. Each day set a special time for quality uninterrupted listening to your child. This maybe during bath time or quiet snuggling time right before they fall asleep. Find your own special time of day. Giving your child the power of the conversation with your full attention and respect. Very little response necessary. Listen to understand. What should I do when I hear my child repeating negative self-talk? Don’t panic! Just pay attention when your child says, “I am bad at cutting with scissors!” Our natural response as a parent may be to say, “no you are not, you are amazing at cutting with scissors!!!” and we want to fix, fix, fix in some way. What you can do is first acknowledge the feeling, “you sound frustrated or tell me what happened and why you are feeling that way.” This may seem simple and is exactly what your child needs to hear now. Then listen. Slow down and listen. You have listened and you have acknowledged your child’s feeling. Here are some supportive responses you can follow up with: “You are right. Cutting is hard. It takes practice.” “You may not be good at it yet. Cutting takes practice. Practice helps you learn.” “Everyone needs practice cutting. Shall we try again now or later?” “I love trying new things and mistakes happens. Why do you think that is?” Language has big and deep and effects. Consider this analogy… A house is made of many bricks. A person’s self-esteem is made of many words and thoughts they have heard and inquired over time. What do you want your child’s inner foundation to be built on? |
Asking (and Waiting) for Help
Like all good things, parenting takes practice. A lot of practice, trials and tribulations. As we all know, there is no clear cut manual. Each child and family is incredibly unique. Every parent wants a deep connection with their child and to successfully prepare them for the world. We all want to create responsible, strong, compassionate adults. These are the ultimate goals, but how do we get there?
Each day brings on so many unprepared situations. The screaming child in the grocery store, the child that hits at school, the first lie, and so many other special moments you will share with your children.To prepare for these interesting parenting moments, they can be broken down into a simple lesson similar to what we do in the classroom. The following is a practical example with an intentional goal.
How to ask for help and/or wait for help:
The demand for help or recognition may be the most difficult aspect of good manners to teach a child. Their need is immediate in their eyes. In order to have friends and be appreciated your child must learn patience.
This can be done in a couple of ways. One is do not come a running for every whim your child may desire. If you are busy it is okay to say, “I will be with you as soon as I finish my soup.” This derails the need for immediate gratification, creates trust (because you will follow through) and brings the gift of patience to your child – a skill for life every person needs.
Yes, the child may cry, scream and lay on the floor the first few times. Calmly, respond, “I see you are upset. I will be with you when I finish my soup.” Savor that soup and then follow through. Acknowledge the child the first time they fully wait. Thank you for waiting, how can I help?” It is your choice – do you want to train them to scream and whine for everything they want or patiently wait through communication? Raise your awareness of what you want to put out in the world through your child.
Peaceful Parenting Practice – Boredom
Solving the problem – Are we effectively solving or creating one?
Child: “I’m bored.”
Parent: “Oh, you’re bored? Well why don’t you go and get your puzzle in your room and work on that?”
Child: “No, I don’t want to.”
Parent: “Then why don’t you get your coloring book and color for a while?”
Child: “No, that’s boring.”
Effective response – “Boredom is a choice. I gave you some ideas.” Or say (depending on age and ability), “I have some extra chores for you to do!” That usually gets them running out to play or off to an activity of their liking.
Basically, remember to parent with the end result in mind. We want our children to recognize they can solve simple problems like boredom and be creative independent individuals. This is a simple effective tool to begin with.
5 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem and Confidence in Kids
(Kathryn Kvols shares 5 easy ways to boost our children’s confidence)
What would you be doing right now if you truly believed in yourself?
As parents, we want our children to feel good about themselves and feel fulfilled as adults. Here are five things that we can do to improve self-esteem and confidence in our kids.
1. Celebrate, honor and nurture your child’s uniqueness.
While honoring your child’s uniqueness sounds simple, it can sometimes be difficult – especially when your child displays qualities that you may not be fond of. As humans, we tend to encourage the things we agree with and to discourage the things we don’t like.
Since most children strive to please us, we must be careful not to discourage the true spirit of the child. By steering our child away from what they love to do, we run the risk of harming their fragile self-esteem. There are many people who are not happy in their work today because they are doing what they think their parents want them to do, rather than what would make them truly happy.
2. Use parenting methods that encourage personal responsibility.
Try to avoid the autocratic parenting tendency to just tell your child how to do the task. Let him figure it out on his own and you will take a big step towards not stifling the spirit of the child. Methods such as motivating through guilt or controlling through threats and punishment can act as roadblocks to close relationships and a healthy self-concept. Instead, help to improve their self-esteem and confidence:
- Offer children the opportunity to make decisions that deem appropriate
- Give them time to express their opinions
- Allow them to develop their leadership abilities without interference
These tools will help you show your children how to think – not what to think.
3. Model and teach your children the value of contributing.
Being helpful can make us feel truly valuable and improve our self-image. The more your child finds their value by being helpful, the more support your child will receive from society. Find ways to include your child in projects:
- Assign them small tasks you know they can handle
- Include them in age-appropriate ways
- Ask their opinion about how to do something
- Ask them how they think they could help (you may be surprised at the response!)
4. Instruct your child to be proactive.
It can be extremely discouraging to feel powerless. One of the best ways to empower your child is to explore together many solutions to a problem, go through possible consequences of each solution, and choose a solution that serves the interest of everyone involved.
5. Impart to your child the importance of valuing what he thinks and feels about himself over what others think of him.
When children start to think that another’s opinion is more valuable than theirs, they lose their sense of self. A great toll is taken when children give up who they are in order to be liked by others.
December 2013 – Peaceful Parenting Tip
This time of year can get a person stressed and frazzled. One mom said it was like being tied into a human pretzel (not a pretty picture)! If you can relate, the experiment we would encourage you to do is: create 20 minutes of Non-negotiable Me Time (NNMT) five times a week. Then go back to not having NNMT. Journal every night for the next two weeks (that’s not so long). I have determined that NNMT is the essential ingredient to have thriving relationships.
Stress is a relationship killer. Think about it! When you’re stressed, you are NASTY. You say mean things to your partner and your children (unfortunately close people get the most of it) and you feel like a witch. All of those great parenting tips you learned, fly right out the window, I know you have heard about taking care of yourself at nauseam but have you actually done it? Now is your chance. NNMT makes you a more calm, peaceful, loving parent.
Note: Make sure it is time that nourishes you. TV time, facebook time or other technological devices can actually drain your energy, not revitalize you.
NNMT ideas:
- Take a long luxurious bath.
- Write thank you notes.
- Make some hot tea or cocoa, wrap yourself in a snuggly, warm blanket and sit outside on your
- porch on a wintery night.
- Crank up the music and dance like you do when no one is watching!