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Parentsinspiration:
Creative Ways to Say No To A Child
by Kathryn Kvol
Saying no to your child can be difficult. Sometimes we end up feeling like a broken record that
says NO all the time. Sometimes our kids just wear us down. Yet saying no is a necessary ingredient to help children grow and to be able to say no to sex, drugs and other dubious things we want our children to refuse. Here are 19 variations of saying no to add to your parenting repertoire.
For younger children:
1. Give them an alternative. “Walls are not for coloring. Here is a piece of paper”
2. Tell them what to do instead “Water needs to stay in the tub”
3. Use distraction.
4. For a youngster who has something you don’t want her to have say “That’s not a toy. However, this is a toy you can play with”
5. Sing, “no, no, no”
6. Say it in a funny way, “Never in a million trillion years!”
For older children:
1. “That’s not an option”
2. “I am unwilling….”
3. “That’s not appropriate.”
4. “I am not ready for you to do that yet”
5. Ask, “What do you think you would need to do before I would be willing to say yes to that?”
6. Ask “What do you think? Is this a good choice for you?” (If you choose to use this, make sure
you are willing to abide by their answer.)
7. Ask, “What are your other options?”
8. “No, but I would be willing to…”
9. “I appreciate your asking, however…”
10. “This is not negotiable.”
11. “Yes, as soon as (task) is done….”
12. “I’d love to, now is not an option, let’s go put it on the calendar.”
13. Do the unexpected!
Of course there are times when you should say, no and mean no. At those times it is helpful to make direct eye contact with the child and in a firm and neutral tone of voice, say the word “no” ONCE. Some children do best with a brief reason why they are being told no. However, it is essential that this explanation is very short. Keep it short to avoid turning this into a lecture. Do not get into an argument. If you do, your child will learn that if he wears you down, you will give in.
Parents may also be wondering…
What happens in my child’s classroom?
Your child is valued as a unique individual. Montessori education recognizes that children learn in different ways, and accommodates all learning styles. Students are free to learn at their own pace, each advancing as he is ready, guided by the teacher and an individualized learning plan.
Beginning at an early age, Montessori nurtures order, concentration, and independence. Intentional classroom design, materials, and daily routines support the student’s emerging “self-regulation” (the ability to educate one’s self, and to think about what one is learning), in toddlers through adolescents.
Students are part of a close, caring community. The multi-age classroom—typically spanning 2.5 —5 years re-creates a family structure. Older students enjoy stature as mentors and role models; younger children feel supported and gain confidence about the challenges ahead. Teachers model respect, loving kindness, and a peaceful conflict resolution.
Montessori students enjoy freedom within limits. Working within parameters set by their teachers and the classroom community, students are active participants in deciding what their focus of learning will be.
Students are supported in becoming active seekers of knowledge. Teachers provide environments where students have the freedom and the tools to pursue answers to their own questions. Internal satisfaction drives the child’s curiosity and interest and results in joyous learning that is sustainable over a lifetime.
Self-correction and self-assessment are an integral part of the Montessori classroom approach. As they mature, students learn to look critically at their work, and become adept at recognizing, correcting, and learning from their errors.
Montessori supports social-emotional skills. Contemporary research supports the 100-year- old Montessori Method’s effectiveness, indicating that children who learn in Montessori classrooms demonstrate stronger social-emotional skills in many areas than children in more traditional environments.
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